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I’m a squirrel-killer.

I can’t sleep.. so I’ll relay this slightly “And Now For Something Completely Different Blogpost”. This happened on Friday afternoon. My “apartment” is really a converted upstairs part of a house, and it has a stairwell and a deck for me to have access to the house. The annoying squirrels use it as well to get up onto the roof and then to the overhanging tree over the top of the house. I was headed out to get some things when I noticed in my plastic garbage container something dark… and I didnt recall putting anything in there. We’d had rain, and then a freezeup, and then a thaw.. so I knew there was melting ice in there and water.. but what else?

It turns out a squirrel had jumped up on top of the thing and then fell in and drowned (or died of hypothermia); he was floating face down into the water. Not the weirdest part though.. I happened to look down beside the container on my deck.. and there was a *2nd* dead squirrel lying there. Maybe it was the husband or wife of the unfortunate deceased drowned one who had died of grief. So.. I have 2 dead squirrels still on my deck (1 in water.. 1 in leftover autumn leaves). Fortunately, my landlord will take care of them and dispose of them.

If I’d had a digital camera.. I’d have taken pictures.. I know Philip over at The Wingnuterer would have either gotten a kick out of it or severely taken me to task over my gross negligence.. but either way, there are 2 less squirrels in the neighbourhood.


4 comments to I’m a squirrel-killer.

  • Whooee! With all due respect t’ Zorf, a couplafew dead bushy-tailed rats ain’t breakin’ my heart. I had my share o’ the varmints an’ they even invaded my shack an’ a couplafew weeks ago I captured one in my bathtub. Ol’ Spot had’m cornered but he ain’t got the killer instinct.

    The lezzie gals next door is always feedin’ the rat bastard squirrels an’ they even got names fer some of ’em. Most anytime, I can look out my window an’ see 5 or 6 or more o’ the critters scurryin’ ’round. It drives ol’ Spot crazy.

    As fer disposin’ o’ the carcases, jest pick ’em up with a pair o’ pliers an’ drop ’em inta a garbage bag.

    Yores trooly,


  • The first squirrel was face-down in the water? Sounds like a murder-suicide to me…

  • At least you didn’t run’m over, eh? Back in high-school, my friend actually ran over a squirrel during his *driver’s* test…and he passed! Later, when I caught up with him in English class, the poor guy was still shaking his head and muttering “he just *wouldn’t* budge…I thought he’d get out of the way”
    My all-time favourite Onion headline: “Road-kill Squirrel Remembered as Frantic, Indecisive”
    Hope you’re doin’ alright there, Scott. Best wishes–GDK

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